Cowboy Secret Space Detective (new verses)

Originally published at erin-go-blog!. You can comment here or there.

Here are the two new verses we wrote for “Cowboy Secret Space Detective”:

I want to live in Washington in a big White home
and I want to be the first commander in chief with two x-chromosomes
I’ll give the West Wing some estrogen
I’ll be the first lady to have a First Gentleman
And my run won’t be derailed by an email non-event
I want to be the first female President!

I’m gonna know my value in a world of men
And Howard Stark and I will fight against Leviathan
We’ll co-found SHIELD to keep the world Hydra-free
And I know Steve will save the last dance for me
And I’ll be a super spy like Maxwell Smart, but even* smarter
I wanna be Agent Peggy Carter!

*may change this, per Randy Hoffman’s suggestions

Actually Ironic

Originally published at erin-go-blog!. You can comment here or there.

Again, this isn’t entirely original…it just puts our own twist on something that was already out there. The italicized segments were spoken.

An old man turned ninety-eight, he won the lottery and died the next day…
of chronic emphysema from inhalation of the latex particles scratched off decades’ worth of lottery tickets.
It’s a black fly in your Chardonnay…
poured to celebrate the successful fumigation of your recently purchased vineyard in southern France.
It’s a death row pardon two minutes too late…
because the governor was too busy watching Dead Man Walking to grant clemency any earlier.
And isn’t it ironic…don’t you think

It’s like rain at a dehydration victim’s funeral
It’s a free ride to your bankruptcy trial
It’s the good advice to never listen to me
Who would’ve thought…it figures

Mr. Play It Safe, he was afraid to fly
He packed his suitcase and kissed his kids goodbye
He’d waited his whole damn life to take that flight
And as the plane crashed down he thought
“Now I’ll never make it to that Fear of Flying seminar”
And isn’t it ironic…don’t you think

It’s like rain flooding an umbrella factory
It’s a free ride to an overpriced car dealership
It’s the good advice from the guy who just got you fired
Who would’ve thought…it figures

A traffic jam when you’re already late…
to receive an award from the Municipal Planning Board for reducing the city’s automobile congestion 80 percent.
A no-smoking sign on your cigarette break…
at the R.J. Reynolds tobacco corporate offices in Winston-Salem, North Carolina.

It’s like ten thousand spoons when all you need is a knife…
to rob a soup kitchen
It’s meeting the man of my dreams, and then meeting his beautiful wife…
who happens to be the psychiatrist I recently hired in hopes of improving my luck with the opposite sex.
And isn’t it ironic…don’t you think
A little too ironic…yeah, I really do think…

It’s like rain on your wedding day…to the Egyptian sun god Ra
It’s a free ride when you’ve already paid…for a stolen car
It’s the good advice someone advised you not to take
Who would’ve thought…it figures